I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

...by March 2006...i'll be able to go that distance...after four crucial years in nursing...and year in social work....i'll be able to break boundaries...create new grounds and fulfill my life-long dream to finally supporting my family, giving my mom all the credit she deserves and letting her live a life of luxury...with God's grace, i know all of this will be fulfilled...in His time...

hayyyyy....my intuition never fails me...something has been bugging me these past few days...i just can't get my finger on it...until last night...not only realization was done, but i was confronted with the whole scenario....finally i was able to know what is happening behind my back...

i must admit at first i was mad...then when the whole idea sinked in...the madness turns to hurt...now, i ask myself...is it still worth it that i call them friends? i know in friendship there are moments of darkness, its inevitable...there are ups and downs...but with all of those possibilities, i also know that as friends, you shouldn't be against each other...with all the world's cruelty...you should be facing them TOGETHER, not apart from each other...worst..not against each other....

jayjay...thank's for trying to cheer me up...but these things are out of both our leagues...i'll be fine on my own...i just want to break away form it all first....since you have to be with them also, i'll save you from the pain of being in the middle...don't worry much, i've survived this before, i can do it again...i don't need to be with people who doesn't wanna be with me...i'm more than what they think of, of that im sure...

i'm not mad anymore...confused maybe...hurting,yes...but i know all of this will pass...in God's time...maybe i just need to explore my own world for the mean time...

hhhaaayyy.....for whatever may be the outcome...THY WILL BE DONE....='(

there are certain  people who tend to be really judgemental most of the time...as much as you know that you can't realy please everybody..it gets hard sometimes when they never let you defend yourself...they stab you behind your back yet smiles at you whenever you meet...funny, these people ever existed...i have never met someone so manipulative my whole life..that person actually changed the course of events of my current life...that person managed to turn my friends away from me...YES, i still call them friends for i am not giving up on the friendship that we share...at least not without an explanation...

i know my faults...im ready to accept every single mistake that i have done and i can even say that i'm ready to minimize their current issues with me...but i think i deserve a chance to render my own explanations..there are certain happenings that i may have hurt them, and i know i can't take that back, but as long as there is tomorrow i think i deserve that chance of rearranging things...of redeeming what is actually mine not necessarily that i wouldn't share that is...i was never pretentious, whether that annoys them or not, i think its something that i should be proud of...i was just being me... the moment i offend someone, i openly apologize..and when i say that its never going to happen again, i never backed-out on my word...NEVER!!!

so, to those people that i have recently hurt... IM VERY SORRY...give me a chance to make amends...but, also think...after all that we've been through together...for all the memories that we have shared..am i really not worth keeping? what made it easy for you to throw it all away? is the offense that greivious for you to cut the line that binds us?

i know i have hurt you...and i have been hurt with the situation too...the hardest part of all of it was..you never actually confronted me with the problem, like we always did...you never talked to me...you never allowed me to explain...

you know who you are...again im sorry..and i wish you know how much i miss you already...

i'm holding on...i hope i'm holding on to SOMETHING that is still there...

here i go again....overwhlemed with thoughts...thoughts that are filled with so many questions,which  answers are nowhere to be found...when problem comes...in all dimensions, its presence is evident...as the saying goes...when it rains, it pours...

with everything that has happened to me within this first semester of my senior year in college...it amazed me of how much experiences can really shape a person...in all the areas of my life that have been touched by those experiences, now when i look back, i can't remember the old me anymore...like she never really existed...

i like the changes but it the impact it has on me comes in a bit of a shock...im stronger...more steadfast...logical...and more focused.. but along with these chages comes the bitterness about certain facets of my life...frustrations resurfaced...deceit is overflowing...and some part of those changes are not very flattering...with being wittier, i now doubt people most of the time...their sincerity always in question...their loyalty are all in the cliff anytime it can fall off...paranoid am i huh? i know...

i do need help, from myself as much as it is for me also...these are the things i need to rearrange...in order for me to get hold of who really am i again...for me to return to normal...to the acceptable me....

as of now..."i need a REASON... a MEANING in my life..."

Again...thank you...to all of my friends who cancelled all their appointments to give way and make my "Saturday" a date to remember...as a post birthday celebration....

Funny...i never realized my importance in their lives 'til that day...everybody went out of their way to make me enjoy the night despite of that inner "stressful" situation i am into...for making me forget, even for just that night that i'm so close to breaking down...

wehehehe...mga friendship...tama na "chismis"...HINDI KAMI!!!!...walang issue, utang na loob wag nyo pong gawan at masisira nanaman ang buhay ko...punyeta kasing "something" yan eh...pag nalaman ko talaga kung ano ung something na un...ieeradicate ko na...mahirap ang complikadong buhay!!! alam na alam nyo yan!!! hehehe....

shobe, kahit late ka, thank you for making my night...ciemegurl, kahit maaga ka umalis...thank you for coming...you perked up that party!!! xeryll...i love it gurl!! your presence brought the haus down...elaine, kahit kayo ni lien ay may sariling mundo, ok lang...at least andun kayo, do gaya ng iba jan...may papromise promise pa, di naman nagpunta...chico, utang na loob..tama na ang bitterness, i was able to move on, you can do it to li'l bro!!! at hindi ko na kayo iisa isahin pa dahil nangangawit na ko...

ah basta....SOBRANG THANK YOU TALAGA!!! to everybody that was present that night....

you made me feel...sooooooo special....love you po!!!!